The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck

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Amazon – The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck

GoodReads – The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck

Author – Mark Manson

In this generation-defining self-help guide, a superstar blogger cuts through the crap to show us how to stop trying to be “positive” all the time so that we can truly become better, happier people. – Goodreads Synopsis

This one has been at the top of the charts for a while, and after it has been recommended to me multiple times, I thought what the hell. I’m not one much for “self-help” books, (Maybe that’s why I have so many problems…) but this one promises to be different from all the rest. I secretly thought that most books like this were just a scam trying to make a quick buck by telling you to just be happy. This one is a bit different (You can tell by the title alone), and that is because it knows the target audience – Millennials. (Scary OoOoOoOo)

Millennial has been tossed around in the media and from everyone else that is not a 1101130520_600“Millennial” and usually it is associated with a negative connotation. The word “entitled” is always used in conjunction with Millennial as well. Mark Manson also knows this, and speaks in depth about this feeling of entitlement. What really stuck out to me was how Mark explains that there are actually two ways to channel that entitlement. There is the first way that everyone knows: that you deserve something more because of who you are/what you’ve done, and the second way: that because when you make yourself a victim out of a negative experience in your past, you are also expecting different treatment. Now that seems obvious to understand, I just never thought about how victimizing yourself is also a form of entitlement. There in lies the true power of the “self-help” books – changing your perspective.

Ok… So I am entitled. What now?

Now the main body of the book starts to come into play. Sure we feel that this hard work thumbnail_largewe have done deserves something special – I work harder than everyone else in the office, I accomplish more, and I need that promotion now! Where the fuck is it?! Maybe the problem is that you are channeling all of your “fucks” into something that is not going to end up paying dividends later on. Mark tells us that we need to take a step back from caring 110% (and getting 110% emotional) about everything and pick what is really going to matter to us in the long run. Ask yourself: Why I am giving a fuck about this so much. Why is this so important to me. Why are my emotions going totally fucking berserk over this. As it turns out, if you ask yourself why enough times, you might end up getting to the root of the problem and fixing your self-entitlement on the way. So stop fucking crying and figure out what really matters to you.

I am focusing on being happy! Where is my progress?

Nope. Mark wants you to actively seek out the negative experiences instead of the positive ones. (But this goes against all of the other self-help books!) Why would we want to be OK with negative experiences? Because that is how we grow. We learn the most, and grow the most, from all of the negative experiences in our lives. Mark understands this and makes an attempt to reach us through his own personal journey. Maybe we should have just listened to Alfred all those years ago:

Bruce Wayne: What have I done, Alfred? Everything my family… my father built…

Alfred Pennyworth: The Wayne legacy is more than bricks and mortar, sir.

Bruce Wayne: I wanted to save Gotham. I failed.

Alfred Pennyworth: Why do we fall sir? So that we can learn to pick ourselves up.

Bruce Wayne: You still haven’t given up on me?

Alfred Pennyworth: Never.

It starts to get a little Buddhist, but we need to learn to accept the negative experiences that have come before, and that will come in the future. It is what will make us a better, and stronger, person.  Stop giving a fuck about trying to be happy all of the time.

My Takeaway

I’ve been going through some “Millennial” shit recently and I didn’t even know it. The main thing that has been irking me is my work life. I work too hard, I care too much, and I am too ambitious. All of that boils up to one great big pot of entitlement. Aside from the entitlement, I also feel empty. I feel that I am kicking ass all day, giving the world all it’s worth, using the most energetic years of my life, but for what? So some other entitled prick can benefit (or baby-boomer who crashed the houseing market and destroyed the environment)? Take a look at the chart below (shout-out to Kyle for showing me this) –

1_qNNzYd3SE1Z09d_IaJOdGA

Ikigai: The Japanese concept that means “a reason for being.” Hmm ok then. So where do we see ourselves here? I am smack in the middle Good/Paid For/Need, AKA – “Comfortable, but feeling of emptiness”. Yes I am good at what I do, Yes I get paid a decent amount for it, and OK I guess someone has to do it – but I feel dead inside. I’m not helping anyone really, I’m not making a difference for the better in the world (which is common among Millennials I guess), so why am I trying so hard? That’s where Mark Manson has helped me. I need to sort out in my life what I should give a fuck about, and I need to bring back balance to the force. (Well maybe not that)

It’s time to stop rejecting the negative, time to stop feeling entitled, and time to sort out the fucks.

Want more Millennial context?

Check out this video. Simon Sinek really explains it better than anyone else I’ve ever heard talk about it. The guy is fucking sharp.

Thanks to Gioia @ My Crazy World of Books Blog for sharing this with me. Check out her blog!!

P.S.

Check me out on my new social media platforms! I am trying to expand, grow, and meet more people! (If you are reading this after watching the video above – yes – I understand the hypocrisy/irony.)

LIFE OF CHAZ (1)

133 comments

  9. I’ve saw this book all over insatgram and never thought it’s a self- improvement one , thank for the review ( not technicaly a rview but !!) . I hadn’t heared about the Ikigai so I’ll just share it with my followers to spread the knowledge ad BTW my friend sent me Simon’s video last day , such an inspiration .

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  10. I love Mark Mason, I’ve been following him since he started, one of those random things. It is amazing how he has grown from a simple blog to this! Awesome! And yes, his teachings and wisdom are great, totally recommend ‘The Art of Not Giving a F.ck” 🙂
    Thanks for sharing Chaz.
    PS: I am a newbie at blogging – check it out http://www.lovelightpeace.org

    With Love, In Light, For Peace,
    Yours Truly,
    FreedomChild

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  11. The author’s message has merit. If I could just consistently look for the good things that might come out of the bad times, I’d feel like I’d made it. But maybe that’s not the point… Maybe it’s about the journey? And RE: your statement “I’m not making a difference for the better in the world, so why am I trying so hard?”; I would say that even in those times when you feel like the bastards are grinding you down, because of your desire to make the world a better place, you’re making the world within you a better place for striving against the inertia. You’ll take that “bitterness” with you and it will spread to others around you, to the next career opportunity, and even your next positive (like this one), blog post! Cheers! 🙂

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  12. Thanks for your review and insights, C. Does the book delve into the topic of mental health at all and how that may play into some people’s issues with “giving too many fucks?” As someone who is in the midst of potentially seeking professional help for my mental health and is considered a millennial, I have issues with both disliking my sense of entitlement in life (in general) while also being just disapppinted with who I am and where I am in life (self-esteem issues). Mental illness seems to be more prevalent and talked about in literature today so I thought that might something interesting to discuss with regards to millennials.

    J

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    2. me too but I just said something about negative and positive experience on my blog, show love by subscribing. i assure you would like my recent blog post and visiting my youtube channel will seal it all. will be expecting your subscription.

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  13. Simon Sinek is inspiring. He’s written books on leadership (Start with Why), and even if you’re not aspiring to be a leader, they’re still great motivational books.

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  16. I might have to read this book now. I’m in the middle of reconfiguring my life, and it’s given me sleepless nights. One look at that Ikagi graph and I finally figured out what the fuck is bothering me.

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  17. I read this book during last fall while I was also struggling with finding a purpose within my professional and personal life. I loved how the author portrays the idea of just filtering your problems one by one. We’re always going to experience more problems in our life than happiness, that’s for granted. However, we have the choice of choosing the problems we like to solve best and that’s what makes those little moments of happiness stand out in our lives! Therefore, we have to thank all the people that made us sad and all those problems we face at work every single day, since they challenge us to be better and to identify the feeling of joy much easier!

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  18. Been seeing this book everywhere and just assumed it was another same self-help book. But it actually sounds different and interesting; I might check it out…thanks for sharing!

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  22. I have been contemplating reading this one for about a year now. Based on your feedback I feel like I could really use the perspective this book could give me. I care WAAAAAY too much about EVERYTHING I do. If I’m going to do something, I tend to give it everything I’ve got. I’m finding that that is exhausting and thankless more often than not and that I end up giving too much to things that drain my energy but that I care very little about. I don’t feel like my proclivity for that is an issue, only that perhaps I should reserve that kind of focus and dedication for the things that matter the most to me, so that I’m not wasting energy and emotions on things I am not getting fulfillment from.
    Great review. I will definitely have to check this one out.

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  23. Pingback: Out of this World Blogger Award – The book prescription

  28. You’ve reminded me that I need to finish reading this book. It’s been collecting dust for the past year (damn you, life!) which is a shame because I’ve gotten so much out of the book so far. Thanks for such a well done review and for introducing ikigai.

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  29. Pingback: Book Tag: Spring Cleaning – Lori's bookshelf reads

  31. Another book added to the wishlist, the more blogs I read I just can’t resist myself to buy and read even more. I was kinda on the edge with this one, but thank you now I made up my mind.

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  32. Thanks for the like Chaz. I really like this post. Maybe one way to look at life is trying to make difference outside of your occupation or do like I did and make a change. I hated my old job. And like you I was good at it and made good money and at times I even felt like I was making a small head way for others but it just wasn’t for me. Look into maybe there is something more satisfying out there

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  35. Thank you for sharing the Ikigai concept…now I have a name for it! I’m far from a millennial; in fact, I’ve taught and learned from your generation. When I was in my early twenties, I worked in human resources and made an excellent salary doing so–but I felt like I wasn’t *doing* anything. I followed my gut, went back to school, quit my job, and took a paycut of one-third to become a high school teacher. I’ve never regretted it a single day. I found myself nestled in ikigai without understanding why I suddenly had peace in my heart, mind, and soul. When you figure out what you give a f*ck about, the risks don’t seem as risky, and the concept of making the world a better place transforms because you see that making your CORNER of the world a better place is where it starts. And a huge thanks for the Simon Sinek video–I’ll be sharing this with my students in the fall!

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  37. I had high expectations when I started reading the book but it didn’t stand out from the rest self-help books that have common idea about the modern person’s life goals. It’s pleasant to see the deep understanding of the topic in your review thou: )

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  40. I like the points you brought up! I especially liked Ikigai. It reminds me of the pyramid to self-actualization, but I think Ikigai makes more sense. Good job being informative and tying in your own experience!

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  44. I honestly love the title of this 🙂 It made me laugh to so hard, but I couldn’t help but agree with everything that you were saying in this blog. It is important to not give a f*ck, and also to be subtle about it

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  48. STill dont’ know if I will pick up this book. But awesome messages. It’s not too cheesy and not too depressing. Perfect balance.

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